CRISIS RESOURCES

KIDS' HELP PHONE





RAINN Online Hotline


  • Website
  • (If you have been the victim of sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 or chat online at online.rainn.org)




Know Your IX Project


  • Empowering students to stop sexual violence:
  • Website




Healthline: Sexual Assault Resource Guide






 

ONLINE SAFETY RESOURCES: There are many online resources now that provide advice and assistance with the issues of consent that come up with online interactions. Here are a few that you may find helpful:

I Ask For Digital Consent - Tip Sheet:





Sexting Advice for Teens:





Sexting Laws by State:





Cybertip - Info about Privacy, Technology and Sexting:





Safety Plans:





If You Live With The Person Who Is Abusing You:






WEBSITES: Here are some related websites that you may find helpful. If you would like to see a growing list of books related to consent and consent education please visit the resources section of www.consentmadefun.com

#METOO movement


A social movement started by Tarana Burke in 2006 advocating for survivors of sexual harassment or violence to speak out about their experiences in order to center and support them.




Affirmative consent


Informed, voluntary, and mutual agreements among all participants to engage in an activity. Frequently used when referring to a sexual activity. Consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in the activity. Consent cannot be give when an individual is impaired by alcohol, drugs, or other conditions that affect one’s ability to understand and agree to engaging in a behavior.




Age of consent


The age a person is legally able to consent to sexual activity. It varies from state to state, but ranges from 14 to 18 years of age in the United States




Assault


An assault is the act of inflicting physical harm or unwanted physical contact upon a person or, in some specific legal definitions, a threat or attempt to commit such an action.




Autonomy/bodily autonomy


An individual’s right to make decisions regarding one’s own body, including deciding at any point who may or may not touch their body in any way, also referred to as bodily sovereignty.




Boundaries


Guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.




Cancel culture


Cancel culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person, as a consequence of something they have said or done. Those who are subject to this ostracism are said to have been "canceled".




Coercion


The intimidation of a victim to compel the individual to do some act against his or her will by the use of psychological pressure, physical force, or threats.




Coercion culture


A society or an environment in which conformity, compliance and authority are valued over an individual’s needs, desires or integrity.




Conscious bias


The attitudes and beliefs we have about a person or group on a conscious level. This includes being aware of personal prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way that is considered to be unfair. An individual, group, or institution may hold conscious biases, which are also known as explicit biases.




Consent


An agreement about how two or more people are going to interact or share space together. These agreements are clear, informed, voluntary, sober, act and person-specific, ongoing, mutual, active, and come directly from the individuals engaging in the activities.  




Consent accident


A somewhat controversial term used to denote a consent incident that was not intentional. Determining intent is relevant to repairing harm. However, “accident” should not be used to minimize or downplay the impact on the person harmed.




Consent culture


A society or environment in which creating explicit agreements, looking for common ground and respecting boundaries is the norm, for both sexual contact and everyday activities.




Consent incident


Any occurrence where consent was violated, or was fuzzy or unclear. While it is used somewhat interchangeably with “consent violation,” this term is meant to be more neutral in its assumption of intent, and include incidents across the range of intentional, unskillful, and accidental. Impact is still the most important consideration in creating repair.




Consent violation


A transgression or infringement on a stated agreement, or proceeding to take action on another person in the absence of consent.




Desire smuggling


Hiding what you really want from yourself and/or a loved one, while finding covert strategies to get (at least pieces of) what you want. These covert strategies range from the innocuous to the destructive, and occur as a means to avoid vulnerability and shame.




Digital consent


Permission given for texting, sharing on-line info or images




Digital footprint


A trail of data you create while using the internet. This includes the websites you visit, emails you send, postings and information you submit to on-line services like social media, shopping, game and dating apps.




Dominant culture


A dominant culture includes the lifestyles, customs, manners, and morals that override others within a particular political, social or economic entity, in which multiple cultures are present.




Empty consent


Occurs when a person says or signals yes to something, but is psychologically disassociated, or coerced or manipulated into doing so.




Facilitation


The art of making experiences more accessible to your participants than they would be without you. To make something easier, to bring about.




Fawn response


A learned trauma response in which a person reverts to people-pleasing to diffuse conflict and reestablish a sense of safety.




Freeze response


Also known as “tonic immobility”, this is an autonomic response to extreme stress or perceived danger. As with the fight and flight responses, it is an instantaneous reaction of the amygdala, not the conscious mind.




Gender


Gender may refer to both gender roles and gender identities. The social and cultural role of each sex within a given society is one part of gender. People often develop their gender roles in response to their environment, including family interactions, the media, peers, and education. There are also a spectrum of gender identities that can change over time and vary widely within and across cultures. Western culture tends to conceive of gender as binary. However many other cultures have three or more genders. In contrast, the term sex is used to indicate the biological differences between male, female, and intersex people.




Gender inequality


Social process by which people are treated differently and disadvantageously, under similar circumstances, on the basis of gender.




Gender socialization


The cultural or social expectations of how people should act, think, and/or feel based on the gender they are perceived to be.




Habitual yes


A pattern of, or compulsion toward, agreeing to requests without pausing to consider the impact or implications on one’s time, energy or resources.




Harassment


Unwelcome or offensive behavior by one person to another that can be sexual or nonsexual in nature. Examples include making unwanted sexual comments or jokes to another person, sending unwanted sexual texts, bullying, or intimidation.




Inclusive


Activities, curricula, language, and other practices in the educational environment that attempt to ensure every student’s access to and participation in learning.




Modeling


A general process in which individuals serve as examples for others, exhibiting the behavior to be imitated by the others. These examples are internalized without comment or discussion.




Parentified


Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. In extreme cases, the child is used to fill the void of the alienating parent's emotional life.




Permission


The right or ability to do something that is given by someone who has the power to decide if it will be allowed. Implies gatekeeping, authority and/or a power differential. While permission is a part of consent, consent is not permission. One gets permission. Together, we create consent.




Power dynamic


A "power dynamic" is the way different people or different groups of people interact with each other. It may refer to how one person leverages their power over another, or to the interplay of different expressions of and bids for power among people.




Privilege


a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. This may be formalized via rules, laws or policy, or be informal as a custom or social norm.




Racialized


Racialization or ethnicization is a political process of ascribing ethnic or racial identities to a relationship, social practice, or group that did not identify itself as such. To categorize, marginalize, or regard according to race.




Rape


A type of sexual assault that involves vaginal, anal, or oral sex using a body part or an object without consent. Rape is a form of sexual assault, but not all sexual assault is rape.




Rape culture


A society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.




Relational intelligence


The sum of learned skills that enables us to navigate relationships well.




Restorative justice


Restorative Justice is an approach focused on repairing harm when wrongdoing or injustice occurs in a community. Restorative justice centers support for the victim, and involves the offender, their social networks, justice agencies, and the community.




Revenge porn


The sharing of sexually explicit images or video without consent, and as a means of retaliation. These images or videos may be made with or without the knowledge of the victim.




Sexting


Sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs, or images. Consensual sexting may still create a legal problem for people who are under-age, as sexually explicit images of young people are considered child porn in many jurisdictions.




Sexual abuse


Any sort of unwanted sexual contact, including but not limited to, force, threats, or taking advantage of an individual, often over a period of time. A single act of sexual abuse is usually referred to as a “sexual assault.”




Sexual assault


Any unwanted sex act committed by a person or people against another person. Examples include, but are not limited to, nonconsensual kissing, groping or fondling; attempted rape; forcing someone to perform a sexual act; and rape. Specific definitions of sexual assault vary from state to state and from country to country.




Sexual harassment


Any unwanted comment, gesture, or action that is sexual in nature that makes someone feel afraid, embarrassed, uncomfortable or ashamed. The intention of the person doing the action doesn’t matter, it’s the negative impact the action has that makes something sexual harassment.




Sexual violence


Sexual violence is an umbrella term that refers to any form of non-consensual sexual behavior, including sexual assault, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, sex trafficking, and sexual violence facilitated through technology.




Sharenting


The practice of parents posting content about their children on internet platforms. The term covers pitfalls resulting from the spectrum of typical family sharing all the way to parents being exploitative and manipulative (eg, blogging or vlogging).




Socialization


the process of internalizing norms and ideologies of the societies in which we grow up or participate. Socialization involves both conscious and unconscious learning and teaching and is a means for social and cultural continuity. Socialization is a part of developmental psychology.




Social justice


The view that all people deserve to enjoy the same economic, political, and social rights and opportunities, regardless of race, sex, gender, gender identity, socioeconomic status, sexual identity, ability, or any other characteristics.




Transformative justice


A series of practices and philosophies designed to create change in social systems. Mostly, they are alternatives to criminal justice in cases of interpersonal violence, or are used for dealing with socioeconomic issues in societies transitioning away from conflict or repression. At its most basic, transformative justice seeks to respond to violence without creating more violence and/or by engaging in harm reduction to lessen the violence.




Trauma-informed


This is an approach to teaching and facilitation that acknowledges the effects of individual and systemic trauma on participants, and considers how instruction and participation can be adjusted in order to ensure a safer and more supportive learning environment.




Unconscious bias


Social stereotypes about certain groups of people that individuals form outside their own conscious awareness. Studies show that we all hold unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, stemming from the tendency to organize social worlds by categorizing, in accordance with cultural and historical context. Unconscious bias is also known as implicit bias.




Upstander


A person who speaks or acts in support of an individual or cause, particularly someone who intervenes on behalf of a person being attacked or bullied.




Victim blaming


Victim blaming is a ubiquitous attitude in the current culture of coercion. Victims of a crime or any wrongful act are held partially or entirely at fault for the harm that was done to them.





Here are a few short videos that are great for kids young and old. For a growing list of great videos on consent, please visit the resources section of www.consentmadefun.com.

KIDS' HELP PHONE





RAINN Online Hotline


  • Website
  • (If you have been the victim of sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 or chat online at online.rainn.org)




Know Your IX Project


  • Empowering students to stop sexual violence:
  • Website




Healthline: Sexual Assault Resource Guide






 
 
 
 

BOOKS: Here is a short list of books that you may also be interested in. To see a growing list of books related to consent and consent education please visit the resources section of www.consentmadefun.com

Talking Consent: 16 Workshops on Relationship and Sex Education for Schools and Other Youth Settings by Thalia Wallis and Pete Wallis





The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin with Robyn Dalzen





What Does Consent Really Mean? by Pete Wallis and Thalia Wallis





Consent on Campus: A Manifesto by Donna Freitas





Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti





Asking For It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do About It: by Kate Harding





Ask: Building Consent Culture An Anthology by Kitty Striker





Let’s Talk Consent by Pete Wallis and Thalia Wallis





Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein





Girls and Sex by Peggy Orestein





The Hunting Ground by Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering





We Believe You by Annie E. Clark and Andrea L. Pino





The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk





Trauma-Proofing Your Kids: A Parents' Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience by Peter A. Levine Ph.D. Maggie Kline





Real Talk About Sex and Consent: What Every Teen Needs to Know by Cheryl M. Bradshaw, M.A., B. Ed.


Purchase the book




I Have The Right To by Chessy Prout and Jenn Abelson


Purchase the book





 

Restorative and Transformational Justice: More and more communities and institutions are using restorative and transformative justice methods. Here are some links if you would like to learn more about this alternative approach to justice.

Websites That Teach Restorative Justice Strategies For Schools:






 

RESOURCES FOR FACILITATORS

Talking Consent: 16 Workshops on Relationship and Sex Education for Schools and Other Youth Settings by Thalia Wallis and Pete Wallis





The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin with Robyn Dalzen





What Does Consent Really Mean? by Pete Wallis and Thalia Wallis





Consent on Campus: A Manifesto by Donna Freitas





Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti





Asking For It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do About It: by Kate Harding





Ask: Building Consent Culture An Anthology by Kitty Striker





Let’s Talk Consent by Pete Wallis and Thalia Wallis





Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein





Girls and Sex by Peggy Orestein





The Hunting Ground by Kirby Dick and Amy Ziering





We Believe You by Annie E. Clark and Andrea L. Pino





The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk





Trauma-Proofing Your Kids: A Parents' Guide for Instilling Confidence, Joy and Resilience by Peter A. Levine Ph.D. Maggie Kline





Real Talk About Sex and Consent: What Every Teen Needs to Know by Cheryl M. Bradshaw, M.A., B. Ed.


Purchase the book




I Have The Right To by Chessy Prout and Jenn Abelson


Purchase the book





 

DEFINITIONS

#METOO movement


A social movement started by Tarana Burke in 2006 advocating for survivors of sexual harassment or violence to speak out about their experiences in order to center and support them.




Affirmative consent


Informed, voluntary, and mutual agreements among all participants to engage in an activity. Frequently used when referring to a sexual activity. Consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in the activity. Consent cannot be give when an individual is impaired by alcohol, drugs, or other conditions that affect one’s ability to understand and agree to engaging in a behavior.




Age of consent


The age a person is legally able to consent to sexual activity. It varies from state to state, but ranges from 14 to 18 years of age in the United States




Assault


An assault is the act of inflicting physical harm or unwanted physical contact upon a person or, in some specific legal definitions, a threat or attempt to commit such an action.




Autonomy/bodily autonomy


An individual’s right to make decisions regarding one’s own body, including deciding at any point who may or may not touch their body in any way, also referred to as bodily sovereignty.




Boundaries


Guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.




Cancel culture


Cancel culture is a modern form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person, as a consequence of something they have said or done. Those who are subject to this ostracism are said to have been "canceled".




Coercion


The intimidation of a victim to compel the individual to do some act against his or her will by the use of psychological pressure, physical force, or threats.




Coercion culture


A society or an environment in which conformity, compliance and authority are valued over an individual’s needs, desires or integrity.




Conscious bias


The attitudes and beliefs we have about a person or group on a conscious level. This includes being aware of personal prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way that is considered to be unfair. An individual, group, or institution may hold conscious biases, which are also known as explicit biases.




Consent


An agreement about how two or more people are going to interact or share space together. These agreements are clear, informed, voluntary, sober, act and person-specific, ongoing, mutual, active, and come directly from the individuals engaging in the activities.  




Consent accident


A somewhat controversial term used to denote a consent incident that was not intentional. Determining intent is relevant to repairing harm. However, “accident” should not be used to minimize or downplay the impact on the person harmed.




Consent culture


A society or environment in which creating explicit agreements, looking for common ground and respecting boundaries is the norm, for both sexual contact and everyday activities.




Consent incident


Any occurrence where consent was violated, or was fuzzy or unclear. While it is used somewhat interchangeably with “consent violation,” this term is meant to be more neutral in its assumption of intent, and include incidents across the range of intentional, unskillful, and accidental. Impact is still the most important consideration in creating repair.




Consent violation


A transgression or infringement on a stated agreement, or proceeding to take action on another person in the absence of consent.




Desire smuggling


Hiding what you really want from yourself and/or a loved one, while finding covert strategies to get (at least pieces of) what you want. These covert strategies range from the innocuous to the destructive, and occur as a means to avoid vulnerability and shame.




Digital consent


Permission given for texting, sharing on-line info or images




Digital footprint


A trail of data you create while using the internet. This includes the websites you visit, emails you send, postings and information you submit to on-line services like social media, shopping, game and dating apps.




Dominant culture


A dominant culture includes the lifestyles, customs, manners, and morals that override others within a particular political, social or economic entity, in which multiple cultures are present.




Empty consent


Occurs when a person says or signals yes to something, but is psychologically disassociated, or coerced or manipulated into doing so.




Facilitation


The art of making experiences more accessible to your participants than they would be without you. To make something easier, to bring about.




Fawn response


A learned trauma response in which a person reverts to people-pleasing to diffuse conflict and reestablish a sense of safety.




Freeze response


Also known as “tonic immobility”, this is an autonomic response to extreme stress or perceived danger. As with the fight and flight responses, it is an instantaneous reaction of the amygdala, not the conscious mind.




Gender


Gender may refer to both gender roles and gender identities. The social and cultural role of each sex within a given society is one part of gender. People often develop their gender roles in response to their environment, including family interactions, the media, peers, and education. There are also a spectrum of gender identities that can change over time and vary widely within and across cultures. Western culture tends to conceive of gender as binary. However many other cultures have three or more genders. In contrast, the term sex is used to indicate the biological differences between male, female, and intersex people.




Gender inequality


Social process by which people are treated differently and disadvantageously, under similar circumstances, on the basis of gender.




Gender socialization


The cultural or social expectations of how people should act, think, and/or feel based on the gender they are perceived to be.




Habitual yes


A pattern of, or compulsion toward, agreeing to requests without pausing to consider the impact or implications on one’s time, energy or resources.




Harassment


Unwelcome or offensive behavior by one person to another that can be sexual or nonsexual in nature. Examples include making unwanted sexual comments or jokes to another person, sending unwanted sexual texts, bullying, or intimidation.




Inclusive


Activities, curricula, language, and other practices in the educational environment that attempt to ensure every student’s access to and participation in learning.




Modeling


A general process in which individuals serve as examples for others, exhibiting the behavior to be imitated by the others. These examples are internalized without comment or discussion.




Parentified


Parentification is the process of role reversal whereby a child is obliged to act as parent to their own parent or sibling. In extreme cases, the child is used to fill the void of the alienating parent's emotional life.




Permission


The right or ability to do something that is given by someone who has the power to decide if it will be allowed. Implies gatekeeping, authority and/or a power differential. While permission is a part of consent, consent is not permission. One gets permission. Together, we create consent.




Power dynamic


A "power dynamic" is the way different people or different groups of people interact with each other. It may refer to how one person leverages their power over another, or to the interplay of different expressions of and bids for power among people.




Privilege


a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. This may be formalized via rules, laws or policy, or be informal as a custom or social norm.




Racialized


Racialization or ethnicization is a political process of ascribing ethnic or racial identities to a relationship, social practice, or group that did not identify itself as such. To categorize, marginalize, or regard according to race.




Rape


A type of sexual assault that involves vaginal, anal, or oral sex using a body part or an object without consent. Rape is a form of sexual assault, but not all sexual assault is rape.




Rape culture


A society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.




Relational intelligence


The sum of learned skills that enables us to navigate relationships well.




Restorative justice


Restorative Justice is an approach focused on repairing harm when wrongdoing or injustice occurs in a community. Restorative justice centers support for the victim, and involves the offender, their social networks, justice agencies, and the community.




Revenge porn


The sharing of sexually explicit images or video without consent, and as a means of retaliation. These images or videos may be made with or without the knowledge of the victim.




Sexting


Sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photographs, or images. Consensual sexting may still create a legal problem for people who are under-age, as sexually explicit images of young people are considered child porn in many jurisdictions.




Sexual abuse


Any sort of unwanted sexual contact, including but not limited to, force, threats, or taking advantage of an individual, often over a period of time. A single act of sexual abuse is usually referred to as a “sexual assault.”




Sexual assault


Any unwanted sex act committed by a person or people against another person. Examples include, but are not limited to, nonconsensual kissing, groping or fondling; attempted rape; forcing someone to perform a sexual act; and rape. Specific definitions of sexual assault vary from state to state and from country to country.




Sexual harassment


Any unwanted comment, gesture, or action that is sexual in nature that makes someone feel afraid, embarrassed, uncomfortable or ashamed. The intention of the person doing the action doesn’t matter, it’s the negative impact the action has that makes something sexual harassment.




Sexual violence


Sexual violence is an umbrella term that refers to any form of non-consensual sexual behavior, including sexual assault, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, sex trafficking, and sexual violence facilitated through technology.




Sharenting


The practice of parents posting content about their children on internet platforms. The term covers pitfalls resulting from the spectrum of typical family sharing all the way to parents being exploitative and manipulative (eg, blogging or vlogging).




Socialization


the process of internalizing norms and ideologies of the societies in which we grow up or participate. Socialization involves both conscious and unconscious learning and teaching and is a means for social and cultural continuity. Socialization is a part of developmental psychology.




Social justice


The view that all people deserve to enjoy the same economic, political, and social rights and opportunities, regardless of race, sex, gender, gender identity, socioeconomic status, sexual identity, ability, or any other characteristics.




Transformative justice


A series of practices and philosophies designed to create change in social systems. Mostly, they are alternatives to criminal justice in cases of interpersonal violence, or are used for dealing with socioeconomic issues in societies transitioning away from conflict or repression. At its most basic, transformative justice seeks to respond to violence without creating more violence and/or by engaging in harm reduction to lessen the violence.




Trauma-informed


This is an approach to teaching and facilitation that acknowledges the effects of individual and systemic trauma on participants, and considers how instruction and participation can be adjusted in order to ensure a safer and more supportive learning environment.




Unconscious bias


Social stereotypes about certain groups of people that individuals form outside their own conscious awareness. Studies show that we all hold unconscious beliefs about various social and identity groups, stemming from the tendency to organize social worlds by categorizing, in accordance with cultural and historical context. Unconscious bias is also known as implicit bias.




Upstander


A person who speaks or acts in support of an individual or cause, particularly someone who intervenes on behalf of a person being attacked or bullied.




Victim blaming


Victim blaming is a ubiquitous attitude in the current culture of coercion. Victims of a crime or any wrongful act are held partially or entirely at fault for the harm that was done to them.